Grand Daddy Oak

Grand Daddy Oak
Embodied Ancient Wisdom

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Way of Transition


In The Way of Transition, I love William Bridges skillful use of metaphor. Metaphor is a very powerful expression to convey concepts and feelings that are so complex and interconnected. Often there are just no words to describe the different states and stages in one’s life and the use of metaphor just speaks to so many hearts, is often considered a universal language and a bridge regardless of culture. In Bridge’s book, believing that his wife may finally be in remission led the couple to move forward with a remodel of the house. And yet in the end she dies before the remodel is completed. He is left in a house that is torn apart, He writes, “ I often thought about the way outer life mirrors inner life. In life as in housing, I was stripped down to the studs…but for now my house and life were utterly dismantled” (p.55). In this chaos, can emerge great energy as it is freed up. Bridges begins looking for connections, something to bridge the reality of yesterday with the reality of the present; he thinks he finds it in the way of big black crow feathers. All of this movement in Bridge’s life both physically and internally is happening in the upper right and left quadrants, this energy in the upper quadrants do affect the lower quadrants. It all has to do with cognitive, emotional, interpersonal, moral and spiritual connecting with the biological and that spills over into other facets of life. It fascinates me how there is a need to look for some physical sign or outer manifestation to aid in transition.
I have a story of my own that relates to this very process of embracing change and transition. I hold that I often create and manifest situations that give rise to such suffering that it pushes me to change. Referring to Wilber Integral Theory, I often find that instead of playing horizontally in a stage or floating in and out of states I can actually accelerate growth and often can move from one stage to another and within that process the many states of consciousness. I have personal experience in this, some time I am conscious that these “changes” and shifts are happening and at other times it takes me by surprise and I ask” How did I end up in the middle of this mess?” Sometimes that which brings us the most aversion can bring us the most growth.
In my undergrad I was focusing my education on the comparison of religions with an emphasis of Eastern Religions. I had a huge aversion to the religion I was raised with which was Christianity. However, instead of going to CIIS for example, where Eastern religion is the emphasis, I decided to go to Dominican University where I was taught by some of the greatest educators I have ever had, some where nuns and there was Father Bob. How I loved Father Bob and the contemplative prayer he taught us made me realize on a cellular level that I can include my Christian roots and embrace Buddhism as well. It all adds to my spirituality as a whole as I evolve. My whole view shifted by being exposed to intelligent, progressive and open individuals that just happened to be from a religion that I had aversion to. My view completely shattered, what I thought I new about the Catholic religion changed and with that my world opened up. NO I did not convert but instead gathered and harvested the fruits of that particular way of looking at the human existence.
I had an instructor Dr. Philip Novak, who is a well-known religious and Buddhist scholar. Dr. Novak had been a student and colleague of Houston Smith for decades. Phil has written books on Buddhism and Nietzsche and also co-authored with Smith. When I met him, I was a student at Dominican and just getting into the more philosophical and psychological aspects of Buddhism and studying the sutras at that time. Though Professor Novak is an incredibly approachable person and kind, he takes his role as an educator quite seriously and he is very scholarly, almost to the point of intimidation. I was on a certain level as far as my understandings on Buddhism and as a student and wanted to “know” more. I knew where I wanted to be and I knew I had a real calling to pursue Buddhist studies and meditation.
We had to write a senior thesis in order to graduate. I said to myself, ‘I want to expand my knowledge and spend my time researching something that is going to be rewarding.’ I knew I was on one level and in order to get to a higher understanding I would need to push myself and get out f my comfort zone. I approached Dr Novak and asked him to be my mentor for the senior thesis and that it would be on The Bodhisattva Path in Mahayana Buddhism. I had done some reading on this topic and it seemed intriguing. I had no idea about the extent of the complexity of the teachings. I laugh now at my naivety and if I had fully understood the scope of my undertaking I probably would have run for the hills. So there you go, I began manifesting and creating situations favorable for change. I knew in the back of my mind I was in trouble. What made matters worse or better depending on your stance is the fact that other students and factuality kept telling me that I was brave. They would say “Carol, why did you chose Phil? You are brave…you are writing a paper on Buddhism with Phil…oh my” words to that nature. I went forward and I am telling you from the first words I wrote, to the last draft, had to be one of the most difficult times in my academic career and the most rewarding. This growth from one level to another, from one stage to another, through many states all had a purpose for the grand design of movement of energy. It seems that there is often an innate knowing that is just waiting to unfold, almost as if one aspect of ones personality is waiting to be born and then creates behavior and thought patterns that create the right conditions to manifest change. So there a part of me was Carol the scholar to be, who did not want to be is sitting in the body of Carol, the one beginning the journey, the “I” who was just starting out on her scholarly adventure. Days and days went by of crying, sleepless nights, anger, happiness, contentment, questioning, self-confidence and insecurity. Revision after revision, meeting after meeting, In the midst of it all Professor Novak was always present for me. He has a really solid Buddhist practice, he oozes the ability to be fully engaged and receptive not reactive. I was attracted to that because I was and still have a reactive mind. In the end I produced one of best papers I have ever written. I thought I was done with that, however Phil nominated me as Academic Scholar for the Humanities/Philosophy department. He asked me first if I wanted to be nominated because there was a lot more work to do if I accepted the nomination. I would have to give a presentation in front of factuality, the dean, president and all students of the school. I would have to go to a big dinner and although this was a great honor there were many “things” I would have to do. I reflected looking for connections, like the big shiny crow feather on the path, I asked myself do I want to take this next step. I decided I would ride the wave out because in my reflection of choosing where I would go I was also in the process of looking to see where I had been and I saw immense growth. The hours and hours of creating the presentation with Phil was extensive indeed. He has me write a script and hour after hour had me recite it until it was deemed perfect. Long story short, I went through the whole thing! I grew, boy did I grow! I manifested this outward expression of change to foster the inward of expression of change. Each pushed and prodded the other to move forward. I can see this repeating itself in much that I do for example, in my practice of meditation, longer and longer retreats of silence and more time sitting in the mucky muck while on the cushion. I have the same resolve as Buddha I am not leaving here until I understand the nature of this arising phenomenon. I see it in my years of karate and yoga practice, the repetitive nature or returning, always returning to the foundation and yet also incorporating more techniques. I am on a great path of manifestation. I love the returning nature that allows a place to act as a springboard. It really raises s questions on how we change, how much is in consciousness or subconscious and how these arising phenomenon affect transitions. More exploration in this area is need. And the story continues.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Ripple Story


As a youth, I was always driven by the love of nature and
compassion for other living beings. I spent hours in the woods
walking and observing the changing seasons that were so evident
on the east coast. If I saw an injured animal I would want to save
the creature. My father even built me a little play house in the
back yard, where I, accompanied by my imagination, spent long
hours trying to nurse injured and dying animals feeding them with
an eyedropper filled with a sugar solution.

Often I would spend long spans of time in the arms of the trees,
cradled by the branches, just being rocked back and forth until I
would hear my mother’s voice calling me, bringing me back to a
reality in which I found difficult to thrive. My resolve of being
happy, compassionate and innocent began to dissipate as I became
entrenched in a culture that saw these qualities as weak. Even at
the ripe old age of eight or nine, I remember longer and longer
bouts of sadness and depression. After saying my prayers, I would
listen to the train far off into the distance wishing I was some
where else.

In middle school I was on the top of my game, thriving in a plastic
reality, which was deemed important. However, my life took a
180º turn when diagnosed with a rare ovarian cancer my first year
of high school. Beating the odds, I survived. It was this teacher
(cancer) that disrupted the conditioning of our society. I took on
Mara with all his armies. I was Arjuna on the battle field
conversing with Krishna before a huge battle, the battle for my
life. I became a lone warrior battling for my life breath and my
spirituality was racked to its very foundation. I was all inside my
head. “Do they know I am sick and that I am wearing a wig?” I
was no longer able to find the quiet moments of NOW that I had
so easily found cradled in the arms of my mother tree as a young
child.

Though the initial diagnosis of cancer was over twenty years ago, I
carried those wounds for what seems to be a life time. I would
have glimpses of quiet moments, yet the past trauma was reaching
its long tentacles into the present affecting everything in my life.
After coming to Spirit Rock and developing a consistent Vipassana
and Metta practice, I realized that if it had not been for suffering
and the cancer, I may not have been propelled to search for
something greater.

My conversations with Buddha led me to the conversations with
cancer as a teacher. My path has been arduous. As the grip of past
trauma lessened through the practice of Metta and Vipassana I
have a renewed appreciation for the finer things in life, such as
nature, compassion, creativity, balance, listening to others and my
ability to stay quiet in times turmoil. I am not implying I am some
enlightened being. What I am trying to convey is that I learned a
great deal by immersing myself in my Buddhist studies and
developing the practice of a quiet observer of my own inner
workings. Most of all I believe what I learned could not come out
of any textbook. I was exposed to many teachers along the way
who, knowingly or unknowingly, have aided me on my spiritual
path. I have feasted at the table of life with some experiences
much more palatable than others. However, all play an important
role in my spiritual development.

I try to have conversations with all of my teachers, in what ever
form they may take, drawing what I can to be more present in my
life as well as in the life of others. I find the practice of meditation
similar to being cradled in the arms of the branches of a large tree.
The tree is stable and rooted and yet can sway with the winds of
change. I am just held there suspended in time, safe, unharmed, in
the present and these ripples touch all aspects of my life.
Carol Roselle 2007
Youth Yoga Instruction from a Redwood
Arms stretching up to the light;
Roots grounding down
Climbing way way up, cradled
Suspended in the time,
Trusting to hold;
Rhythmic breathing to a sweet, ancient,
Silent lullaby that only a child’s ear could hear.

Carol Roselle 2006

With in With out of the Eternal Pyre
“The featureless countenance of Brahman resides in the spirit of silhouettes,
dancing by the eternal pyre. Casting shadows, we leap with joy in-between its shade,
not knowing we are that. The preparatory domicile endures becoming the final,
turning; we look behind, afraid of the pillar of salt. What is witnessed leaves us
breathless. We congregate in this demarcate universe to unite. How long it has
taken us to remember, neti, neti.”
Carol Roselle 2006

The River
The river, an undercurrent that sings the voice of Brahman, is the Great Ultimate
that lives in every soul; if one can quiet the voices of the mind and still the
undulating hum of civilization , one will hear the voice of the Atman. The song that
no ears can hear, no eyes can see, an ancient language of the Vedas. We, like the
rocks that line a riverbed are in a unitary flow of a great current, subject to the tides
of constant and gradual change. Ah, but what lies underneath, the vital principle, the
principle of the universe, this is eternal and is in all that is alive.
Carol Roselle 2005

Dead smiling snake
At the edge of the road
Blood and guts smeared
Leaving a tale of what once was
Sun shines
Wind blows
Seas of Grass
Birds Sing
Frogs Jump
Bees Buzz
Flowers bloom begin to decay
Staring up
A black eye reflects the passing clouds
With her Buddha smile
She says, so thisssss
is ANICCA
"You have lost your reason and taken the wrong path. You have taken lies for truth, and hideousness for beauty. You would marvel if, owing to strange events of some sorts, frogs and lizards suddenly grew on apple and orange trees instead of fruit, or if roses began to smell like a sweating horse; so I marvel at you who exchange heaven for earth. I don't want to understand you.” This is a powerful quote, stated by the young lawyer, a character in Chekhov’s story, “The Bet”. Anton Chekhov was an intellectual writer that addresses the political air of his time. Often addressing themes of the old social order in Russia, the irony in the now supposedly free-moving class system, contradiction in the situations of those around them that have no opportunity to improve their standing or are criticized for attempting to do so, characters that address the potential difference between social change and social progress and characters that demonstrate the different degrees of freedom that result from the liberation. In order to appreciate and analyze the works of Chekhov, I had to research his other literary works, take a look at his life and the political air of his country. “The Bet” is in my opinion a mirror that reflects the struggles of the Russian people and their government. It represents how liberation comes in different forms and in Russian history with a high price. What shone through is the eternal struggle of all men, in all societies and the human soul.
Chekhov was a play a writer and this is apparent in the story “The Bet”. This piece is written and translates as if it was a theatrical play. He sets the scene visually by using the opening line, “It was a dark autumn night.” Each section of his story is another scene in the play. Chekhov uses great imagery in this dramatic tale of morality and self-discovery. While reading this story I felt as if I was an observer watching a play in a theater and joining the characters on a passage. The narrative is written through the eyes of the banker, the lawyer, and guides our observations of the characters. Chekhov uses conversations between the characters involved as well as the internal conversations taking place as revelations occur in the thoughts of the characters. I found it interesting that what one person says aloud is generally not what is said in the private places of a person’s soul. I f people would take the mask off and share in their journey of transformation we all could benefit. Analyzing the plot I feel that the lawyer is the protagonists and that the bet propelled him into a journey, through a stage of life that moves him from one significant character state to another. At first he is into the two million dollars. He enters the bet because of his ego and what he believes to be right but in the end what he believed to be moral in the beginning of the story changes as his introspective view changes through experience. The Banker and the Lawyer in Chekhov’s tale of morality does not end in the manner in which I though it would. The lawyer who takes a bet for two million dollars in the end decides that he does not want the two million dollars. He, in the end turns his back on society. I see that the lawyer is sacrificing for one purpose in the beginning of the bet (ego) only to be motivated in the end by a higher purpose or concept, which I believe is for the sake of humanity. The hypocritical banker in the beginning of the story is discussing capital punishment and appropriate punishment but in the end he is ready to kill for money. The lesson I got from this yarn, was that money was not the end all for the lawyer and there are lessons to be learned internally. As for the banker money was the end all and he was ready to kill for it leaving all his self righteous ideals behind
Anton Chekhov was born in the old Black Sea port of Taganrog on January 17, 1860. His grandfather had been a serf ; his father married a merchant's daughter and settled in Taganrog, where, during Anton's boyhood, he carried on a small and unsuccessful trade in provisions. The young Chekhov had to work hard as a child because of his poverty-stricken family, and he spoke regretfully in after years of his hard-worked childhood. He was obedient and good-natured, and worked cheerfully in his father's shop, His intrigue with story telling began when he closely observed the idlers that assembled there, and gathering the drollest stories, which he would afterward whisper in class to his laughing schoolfellows
His grandfather had now become manager of an estate near Taganrog, and here the he spent his summers, fishing in the river, and roving about the countryside, nurturing a love for nature, which he retained all his life. His evenings he liked best to spend in the kitchen of the master's house among the work people and peasants who gathered there, taking part in their games, and setting them all laughing by his witty and telling observations. When Chekhov was about fourteen, his father moved the family to Moscow, leaving Anton in Taganrog, and now, relieved of work in the shop, his progress at school became remarkable. At seventeen he wrote a long tragedy, which was afterward destroyed, and he already showed flashes of the wit that was soon to blaze into genius. He graduated from the high school at Taganrog with every honor, entered the University of Moscow as a student of medicine, and threw himself headlong into a double life of student and author, in the attempt to help his struggling family.
His first story appeared in a Moscow paper in 1880, and after some difficulty he secured a position connected with several of the smaller periodicals, for which, during his student years, he poured forth a succession of short stories and sketches of Russian life with incredible rapidity. He wrote, he tells us, during every spare minute, in crowded rooms where there was "no light and less air," and never spent more than a day on any one story.
His audience demanded laughter above all things, and, with his deep sense of the ridiculous, Chekhov asked nothing better. His stories, though often based on themes profoundly tragic, are penetrated by the light and subtle satire that has won him his reputation as a great humorist. In 1884 he took his degree as doctor of medicine, and decided to practice, although his writing had by now taken on a professional character. He always gave his calling a high place and the doctors in his works are drawn with affection and understanding. Chekhov fully realized later the influence which his profession had exercised on his literary work, and sometimes regretted the too vivid insight it gave him, but, on the other hand, he was able to write: "Only a doctor can know what value my knowledge of science has been to me," and "It seems to me that as a doctor I have described the sicknesses of the soul correctly."
The young doctor-writer is described at this time as modest and grave, with flashes of brilliant gaiety. A son of the people, there was in his face an expression that recalled the simple-hearted village lad; his eyes were blue, his glance full of intelligence and kindness, and his manners unaffected and simple. He was an untiring worker, and between his patients and his desk he led a life of ceaseless activity. His restless mind was dominated by a passion of energy and he thought continually and vividly. Often, while jesting and talking, he would seem suddenly to plunge into himself, and his look would grow fixed and deep, as if he were contemplating something important and strange. Then he would ask some unexpected question, which showed how far his mind had roamed.
Success was now rapidly overtaking the young author; his first collection of stories appeared in 1887, another one in the same year had immediate success, and both went through many editions; but, at the same time, the shadows that darkened his later works began to creep over his light-hearted humor.
Weary and with an obstinate cough, he went south in 1888, took a little cottage on the banks of a little river His health, however, and did not improve. In 1889 he began to have attacks of heart trouble, and the sensitive artist's nature appears in a remark, which he made after one of them. "I walked quickly across the terrace on which the guests were assembled," he said, "with one idea in my mind, how awkward it would be to fall down and die in the presence of strangers."
Chekhov considered his mature plays to be a kind of comic satire, pointing out the unhappy nature of existence in turn-of-the-century Russia. Perhaps the poet himself described Chekhov’s style best when he wrote:
"All I wanted was to say honestly to people: 'Have a look at yourselves and see how bad and dreary your lives are!' The important thing is that people should realize that, for when they do, they will most certainly create another and better life for themselves. I will not live to see it, but I know that it will be quite different, quite unlike our present life. And so long as this different life does not exist, I shall go on saying to people again and again: 'Please, understand that your life is bad and dreary!'"
During Chekhov's final years, he was forced to live in exile from the intellectuals of Moscow. In March of 1897, he had suffered a lung hemorrhage, and although he still made occasional trips to Moscow to participate in the productions of his plays, he was forced to spend most of his time in the Crimea where he had gone for his health. He died of tuberculosis on July 14, 1904, at the age of forty-four, in a German health resort and was buried in Moscow. Since his death, Chekhov's plays have become famous worldwide and he has come to be considered the greatest Russian storyteller and dramatist of modern times.
Chekhov probes the depths of human life with so sure a touch, and lights them with an insight so piercing, that the play made a deep impression when it appeared. This was also partly owing to the masterly way in which it was acted at the Artists' Theatre in Moscow. Chekhov, with an art peculiar to himself, in scattered scenes, in haphazard glimpses into the lives of his characters, in seemingly trivial conversations, has succeeded in so concentrating the atmosphere of the Russia of his day that we feel it in every line we read, oppressive as the mists that hang over a lake at dawn, and, like those mists, made visible to us by the light of an approaching day.
Since Chekhov uses his character’s to symbolize his native country Russia, I had to look up and research the political air of this time in order to fully appreciate his works in doing so, I discovered that “The Bet” becomes a historical account of the Liberation of Russia. The late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries were times of crisis for Russia. Not only did technology and industry continue to develop more rapidly in the West, but also new, dynamic, competitive great powers appeared on the world scene: Otto von Bismarck united Germany in the 1860s, the post-Civil War United States grew in size and strength, and a modernized Japan emerged from the Meiji Restoration of 1868. Although Russia was an expanding regional giant in Central Asia, bordering the Ottoman, Persian, British Indian, and Chinese empires, it could not generate enough capital to support rapid industrial development or to compete with advanced countries on a commercial basis. Russia's fundamental dilemma was that accelerated domestic development risked upheaval at home, but slower progress risked full economic dependency on the faster-advancing countries to the east and west. In fact, political ferment, particularly among the intelligentsia, accompanied the transformation of Russia's economic and social structure, but so did impressive developments in literature, music, the fine arts, and the natural sciences.
The vast majority of the people lived in rural communities and engaged in relatively primitive agriculture. Industry, in general, had greater state involvement than in Western Europe, but in selected sectors it was developing with private initiative, some of it foreign. Between 1850 and 1900, Russia's population doubled, but it remained chiefly rural well into the twentieth century. Russia's population growth rate from 1850 to 1910 was the fastest of all the major powers except for the United States. Agriculture, which was technologically underdeveloped, remained in the hands of former serfs and former state peasants.
Tsar Alexander II, who succeeded Nicholas I in 1855, was a conservative who saw no alternative but to implement change. Alexander initiated substantial reforms in education, the government, the judiciary, and the military. In 1861 he proclaimed the emancipation of about 20 million privately held serfs. Local commissions, which were dominated by landlords, effected emancipation by giving land and limited freedom to the serfs. The former serfs usually remained in the village commune, but they were required to make redemption payments to the government over a period of almost fifty years. The government compensated former owners of serfs by issuing them bonds.
The regime had envisioned that the 50,000 landlords who possessed estates of more than 110 hectares would thrive without serfs and would continue to provide loyal political and administrative leadership in the countryside. The government also had expected that peasants would produce sufficient crops for their own consumption and for export sales, thereby helping to finance most of the government's expenses, imports, and foreign debt. Neither of the government's expectations was realistic, however, and emancipation left both former serfs and their former owners dissatisfied. The new peasants soon fell behind in their payments to the government because the land they had received was poor and because Russian agricultural methods were inadequate. The former owners often had to sell their lands to remain solvent because most of them could neither farm nor manage estates without their former serfs. In addition, the value of their government bonds fell as the peasants failed to make their redemption payments.
Reforms of local government closely followed emancipation. In 1864 most local government in the European part of Russia was organized into provincial and district zemstva (sing., zemstvo), which were made up of representatives of all classes and were responsible for local schools, public health, roads, prisons, food supply, and other concerns. In 1870 elected city councils, or dumy (sing., duma ), were formed. Dominated by property owners and constrained by provincial governors and the police, the zemstva and dumy raised taxes and levied labor to support their activities.
In 1864 the regime implemented judicial reforms. In major towns, it established Western-style courts with juries. In general, the judicial system functioned effectively, but the government lacked the finances and cultural influence to extend the court system to the villages, where traditional peasant justice continued to operate with minimal interference from provincial officials. In addition, the regime instructed judges to decide each case on its merits and not to use precedents, which would have enabled them to construct a body of law independent of state authority.
Other major reforms took place in the educational and cultural spheres. The accession of Alexander II brought a social restructuring that required a public discussion of issues and the lifting of some types of censorship. When an attempt was made to assassinate the tsar in 1866, the government reinstated censorship, but not with the severity of pre-1855 control. The government also put restrictions on universities in 1866, five years after they had gained autonomy. The central government attempted to act through the zemstva to establish uniform curricula for elementary schools and to impose conservative policies, but it lacked resources. Because many liberal teachers and school officials were only nominally subject to the reactionary Ministry of Education, however, the regime's educational achievements were mixed after 1866. The levy system introduced in 1874 gave the army a role in teaching many peasants to read and in pioneering medical education for women. But the army remained backward despite these military reforms. Officers often preferred bayonets to bullets, expressing worry that long-range sights on rifles would induce cowardice.
After researching Chekhov‘s life and literature I found that there are recurring themes that directly tie to his life and the Liberation of Russia. The story, starts out with a powerful line that draws you into the tale, “ It was a dark autumn night.” I believe this symbolizes that old beliefs where dying similar to the fall season, whenever thing goes dormant, dies to rejuvenate and there are cold winds and extreme changes in weather. Several characters address the potential difference between social change and social progress when discussing the morality of capital punishment or life imprisonment. The author states this, “The death sentence and the life sentence are equally immoral, but if I had to choose between the death penalty and imprisonment for life, I would certainly choose the second. To live anyhow is better than not at all." This I believe is represents the serfs being liberated but at the same time provides with land that they could not farm leading to a slow death of poverty and debt. The lawyer in Chekhov’s story is confined to a garden wing; again I believe that represents the Russian serfs.
In the story, ”The Bet”, one man has been able to take advantage of his liberation to make himself independent in terms of liberation as an inward process; which I see as the young lawyer (or in real history the freed serfs) who accepted the bet of solitary confinement for 15 years, the banker (The Russian Government made up of banks), although he is technically free, has not changed his position at all and is subject to the whims of the life style he serves, as he has always been. The difference in their situation demonstrates the observations of many Russians of the time: officially liberating a group of people is not the same as making them free if you do not also equip them with the tools they need to become independent, i.e., resources such as education and land. This brings up the question of what and who is free? This theme is also echoed in The Cherry Orchard, a Chekhov play, which deals with independence in a very concrete way: shortly before the beginning of the play, much of Russia's population was not free. The play's characters demonstrate the different degrees of freedom that result from the Liberation. The lawyer, in the short story, “The Bet”, is a free man because he is indebted to no one and nothing more than his own concept of morality. His observations seem accurate in light of other forms of non-freedom in the story such as the banker’s need and dependence on money weakness and neglect the safety of his money in the same breath indicates that, despite his concerns, he is still blind too much of his problems. The banker has enough assets to be able to control his own destiny, but he is a slave to his passions, spending extravagantly and making poor decisions in matter of money, and therefore cannot follow a higher moral code as the lawyer does. What with the combination of economic circumstances and the bizarre weaknesses of the characters, the yarn therefore suggests that there are two sources which control freedom and the lack thereof: economics, which comes from without represented by the banker, and control over oneself, which comes from within which is demonstrated by the lawyer. Both characters insinuate that the Liberation is not enough to constitute progress; while it was a necessary change; it was not enough to bring mankind to the idealized future. In the end, when the bet is fulfilled and the lawyer will win the two million dollars the banker is broke and does not want to pay and keep his end of the bet just like the Russian government. The banker wants to kill the lawyer to keep the money. The banker states, “Fifteen years before he had too many millions to count, but now he was afraid to ask himself which he had more of, money or debts. Gambling on the Stock-Exchange, risky speculation, and the recklessness of which he could not rid himself even in old age, had gradually brought his business to decay; and the fearless, self-confident, proud man of business had become an ordinary banker, trembling at every rise and fall in the market.” This statement represents the gamble the Russian government experience economically after the Liberation. The accession of Alexander II brought a social restructuring that required a public discussion of issues and the lifting of some types of censorship. Chekhov represents this in the story when the banker locks up the letter from the lawyer who forfeits the bet. “To avoid unnecessary rumors he took the paper with the renunciation from the table and, on his return, locked it in his safe.”
Drawing on his own struggle with the times that he was living, Chekhov has the ability to convey important social issues in his stories and plays. The deliberate use of time in the Chekhov’s yarn about a bet made between a lawyer and banker becomes the backdrop for the years of imposed Liberation on the Russian people. For example, Chekhov writes, “During the first year of imprisonment, the lawyer, as far as it was possible to judge from his short notes, suffered terribly from loneliness and boredom.” I believe this represents when the serfs are first liberated they go from communal living to working land with there families. “In the second year the piano was heard no longer and the lawyer asked only for classics.” I believe this corresponds with the education reform that was implemented at that time in Russia. “In the fifth year, music was heard again, and the prisoner asked for wine.” This represented the cultural reform imposed by the government. When Liberation is imposed with out the appropriate resources for true Liberation of the people it is doomed to succeed. Read this book, farm this land with a gun to your head is not Liberation in my eyes. One cannot really fully appreciate literary work like “The Bet” without taking the time to do the necessary research of Russian history. What seems like a benign story becomes a lesson in history, government, liberation and the soul.
In the end the lawyer leaves a note. It reads, “…. And I despise your books; despise all worldly blessings and wisdom. Everything is void, frail, visionary and delusive as a mirage. Though you be proud and wise and beautiful, yet will death wipe you from the face of the earth like the mice underground; and your posterity, your history, and the immortality of your men of genius will be as frozen slag, burnt down together with the terrestrial globe. He leaves the banker’s home forfeiting the bet. I believe that this is Chekhov’s view of his beloved Russia. After reading this story, I felt a commonality with my own existence, with the cost of an education, the lack of jobs, being brought up on promises and very little places to excel in an infertile country, one that is manufactured on the exploitation of its people in the name of capitalism. The banker lives on in companies like Eron and others. This made me wonder what happened to the lawyer after he left? Where did he go? Where does he fit in? I believe like me he made his way by learning from the past to hopefully make the rest of his existence the best it can be.




"All I wanted was to say honestly to people: 'Have a look at yourselves and see how bad and dreary your lives are!' The important thing is that people should realize that, for when they do, they will most certainly create another and better life for themselves. I will not live to see it, but I know that it will be quite different, quite unlike our present life. And so long as this different life does not exist, I shall go on saying to people again and again: 'Please, understand that your life is bad and dreary!'"

The Birth of a Monarch
The sun was filtering through leaves of green that were moving with the breeze. She circled and floated on the wind like a free spirited pixie made of tissue, looking for the bright bursts of flowers that would feed her before the long migration south to warmer weather.
The female Monarch butterfly first had to finish one of the last implanted messages that her Creator had programed into her genetic make up and that was to find a milkweed bush so she could lay her eggs. It had to be milkweed, the only plant the monarch caterpillars can eat. Instinctively she lays each egg with which seems to be premeditated and mindful planning. On each leaf of the milkweed plant, a single egg is placed. When she is done, she is lifted by a warm current of air and starts her migration south.
Three days have passed since the monarch laid the fragile white eggs, leaving them in God’s hands or the hands of fortune. The eggs stir and begin to hatch.
The caterpillar emerges so small it can barely be seen. Awakening from a dream state, the caterpillar remains small for a very short time. The voracious appetite of the caterpillar is unmatched by most of the other beings in the garden. Feeding on only milkweed, the little almost microscopic insect grows to two inches in about nine days. The caterpillar has eight pairs of legs; the first three pairs of legs become the legs of the Monarch Butterfly after the metamorphosis.
The caterpillar must endure the weather, spiders and the preying eyes of birds. During this miraculous growing cycle, the caterpillar sheds its skin like a snake when it has out grown its old skin.
This creature has spent its whole life on the same plant where its mother first deposited her eggs. Now that it is a full-grown, the caterpillar starts its own journey off of the only world it has known, much like when we leave home to start a new life in another state or country.
The caterpillar will trek some thirty to forty feet from the origin of its birth and begin the next phase of its life cycle. The crossing can be full of hazards, but there are no cognizant decisions to stay where it is. The caterpillar follows nature’s path that was created by some mystical force pulling like a magnet.
After finding a protected place, the caterpillar begins to build a mat made from silk-like webbing and attaches its last pair of legs to the mat and lets itself drop much like when a child has someone stand behind them and trusts him or her to catch them.The caterpillar has a faith to which no human can know except for a newborn or the dying.
A day passes and the creature remains alive and sheds for the last time passing from caterpillar stage to the chrysalis stage. A beautiful jade color of which paints would find hard to match will house the caterpillar until it emerges into a brilliant Monarch.
The transformation inside this chrysalis is nothing short of another miracle in this creature’s life. The mouth that once chewed the leave of the milkweed leaves turns into a straw like tongue that will sip the nectars of the flowers. The being that crawled from the egg will develop wings as light as tissue and as physically powerful as steel.
The metamorphosis is complete when the chrysalis cracks open revealing a defenseless wet winged Monarch butterfly. The blood of the butterfly fills the creature and the wings begin to unfurl and rise. For an hour or so, the butterfly must rely purely on providence, for though the beauty is evident, it cannot fly.
The breeze dries its wings and lifts the Monarch into the sky.
The sun was filtering through leaves of green that were moving with the breeze. She circled and floated on the wind like a free spirited pixie made of tissue, looking for the bright bursts of flowers that would feed her before the long migration south to warmer weather.
The cycle continues…
Change comes; the fire comes whether we want it to or not. Whether change happens, as an unexpected upheaval such as death as described by William Bridges’, in his book The Way of Transition, or it is a slow gradual process. Either way, the many faces of change are always accompanied by transition. Being in transition is an interesting place to be. It seems to me that when I experience change many of these transformations occur in the upper left and upper right quadrants of the Ken Wilber’s Integral theory. The spirit, mind, body are all in a spiritual dance. I find that it can be difficult to be in transition. Change seems to happen to us, often we have no say, but in the transition, that is where uneasiness can occur. I envision this transition as having one foot in the past and another foot in the future and straddling the present. In this place, if consciousness of the process, the possibilities are endless, if in a state of fear often we limit ourselves to what we already know. This place of transition anything can happen, this is what Bridges calls the “neutral zone.” Bridges tells us,” Transition renews us. It is as though the breakdown of the old reality releases energy that has been trapped in the form of our old lives and converts it back into its original state of pure formless energy”(p.42).
If we were to think of our lives like a field, we might image turning the soil up as farmers do in preparation of the seed. Seed, water and nutrients will naturally go into the deepest crevices of the fallow field, those areas that hold the trauma and most needed of nutrients. It is difficult to perceive, when standing looking at an empty field, that in just a few months it can turn into a rich and vast field of harvestable food. Sometimes the soil gets so tired and depleted of nutrients after many growing seasons. The farmers, with all their wisdom, use a fire to destroy all the old growth to create ash and new life. It is from the perceived destruction that arises new growth. The fires will come whether you want it to or not. While writing this paper, I think of the quote by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés, "New seed is faithful. It roots deepest in the places that are most empty.” I take great comfort in this. I have experienced much pain and suffering in my life. I am an ovarian cancer survivor for the last 30 years, recovered alcoholic of ten years, I have survived lost my fiancé the day after he proposed. I know about transitions.
The Buddha tells us that nothing stays the same. Buddhist practice is simple, direct and not an easy solution. It is the direct annihilation or severing of the attitude of the victim to the attitude of responsibility. I hold that Buddhism, reincarnation and karma are primary components to freedom from suffering. Anything that happens to a soul is in direct correlation to action performed in this life or a past life. While I recounted the experiences that have molded my perception into a way of thinking and believing that perpetuates suffering. Spinning, over and over again, like a wheel, I repeat negative events, creating my own torment. This authentication process takes place primarily in the UL and UR quadrants and allows an egocentric view of the world to move out into an ethnocentric view or stage. Reflecting on my own path, cancer patient at age fourteen, chemotherapy, ten years in recovery from alcohol addiction, broken relationships, the death of close friends, family and my fiancé. I began to assimilate these events that have left me with a frozen heart and with an attitude anchored in sadness. I am imprisoned by my own suffering. I can state, “I have faith,” although being in the back seat with someone else driving is very hard for me. Impatience and always-wanting things to go my way leads to my affliction. I am quite accomplished at this task. Conscious of transition, which occurs in the UL, I feel I can move from self-preoccupation, which can aid in turning toward the spirit of altruism. This radiates into all the quadrants throughout the stages of development and consciousness.
We have choice to decipher transitions of a spiritual journey as a bystander, or use the Integral Theory as a road map to navigate through life with vigilant reflection and self-realization. Integral theory allows the practitioner a means for insight or introspection. Emblematic of life, the question asked is, “Do I want to just observe or do I want to be mindful and put a honest effort into changing?” The journey of looking at oneself is tedious and not pleasurable, but a stipulation if transformation is going to transpire. I am the child, asking, “Are we there yet? The ride starts off as a time for introspection, which from a child’s perspective is boring, grueling, and just plain old, not fun. The children perceive suffering and in anticipation of the rewards, the passage seems endless and brutal. However, once crossed over, after going through the transition from fallow field to a great harvest many changes begin to radiate out into all aspects of life, like ripples in still water.
Are We There Yet?
The Journey Home


In a world where transformation of the soul (non-material) has shifted towards the material, many people worship a “false God”. This is in direct violation of religion. Circling the Sacred Mountain is a memoir of the pilgrimage to Mount Kailash, to seek out the essence of the true religion, one of selflessness.
“Are we there yet?” the words uttered by eager children, peering over the back seat when on a journey, conjuring up an image of the parents driving trying to be patient with the repeated questions. The questions seem easy to ignore, until the repetition becomes too much to endure. “Soon,” might be the response in effort to distract the children until the destination is reached. The ride turns into a time for reflection; filled with distain the child is bored. The trip is grueling, and just plain old, not fun. Suffering and in anticipation of the rewards, the journey seems endless and cruel. They are at the mercy of their parents. The theme of suffering on the journey of life is the key element to the philosophy and the beliefs of Buddhism. In the book, Circling the Sacred Mountain, authors Tad Wise and Robert Thurman encourage the reader to observe and participate in a spiritual pilgrimage to Mount Kailash.
Mount Kailash known as Kang Rinpoche, means “Precious Snow Mountain.” The mountain’s sacredness has been established from stories and legends passed down and recorded in the experiences of great-awakened spiritual masters (Tibetweb 1). A Hindu myth says:
Lord Shiva is known as the link between the realms of gods and humans, bringing all the teachings of Hinduism to humans. Kailash is the seat of Shiva, where the sacred River Ganges falls down from heaven. (1)
Tibetan Buddhists believe Mount Kailash, to be the most magical place in the world, and a place where ones prayers are answered instantly.
The tome takes the reader on a journey through the experiences of the trekkers on their physical, mental, and spiritual quest of selfless healing. The main dramatis personae are the authors, Wise and Thurman who could be seen as the children in the back seat, asking “Are we there yet?” The narrow and precarious path that leads up the mountain is an allegory for dharma, also referred as “The moral guide to action.” The mountain is a metaphor for the parents or Ultimate Being.
Thurman, the first Westerner ordained by the fourteenth Dalai Lama as a Tibetan Buddhist monk, is the leader of this passage. Thurman was ordained as a Tibetan monk in 1964, named Tenzin by His Holiness, it means “Upholder of the Teaching” (6), Thurman was Time Magazine's “25 Most Influential People of 1997,” and has been a college professor and writer for 30 years. Tenzin was the first endowed chair in Indo-Tibetan Buddhist Studies in America (Jey Tsong Khapa Chair, Columbia University) and is the co-founder and president of the non-profit organization, Tibet House New York (Spiritwalk 1).
Wise, thirty-nine at the time of the passage to Mount Kailash, is co- author of Circling the Sacred Mountain, was a student and friend with Tenzin since he was seventeen. Wise took on the demanding journey, faced with an alcohol problem, new baby and quite a few issues; he commitments to the pilgrimage. Confronted with doubts, and often struggling with Tenzin’s teachings and the rigorous trek into high altitudes, Wise attempts to opens his heart to The Blade Wheel of Mind Reform.
Buddhism evolved out of the Hindu religion, Philip Novak, author of The World’s Wisdom: Sacred Texts of the World’s Religions states that the birth of Hinduism:
Originated in India some 4000 years ago with pastoral nomads called the “Aryans” These tribal people chanted hymns known as Vedas, the scriptural foundation of Hinduism. (1)
One of the late Vedic scriptures consisted of the Upanishads, which was a reflection of a new spirituality. The Upanishads try to explain the fundamentals of existence and go deeper by posing two main questions, “What is the true nature of reality? and Who am I in the deepest level of my existence?” (Koller 20) German Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer pays reverence to the Upanishads by stating, “In the world, there is no study so beautiful and elevating as the Upanishads. It has been the solace of my life and will be the solace of my death,” (qtd. in Novak 9). Novak reiterates, “In the Upanishads those majestic “Himalayas of the Soul” we discover the pan –Indian diagnosis of the human condition as trapped in a ceaseless round of death and rebirth” (9). The stages of the Vedas are as follows: Rebirth (samsara), consequences of action performed in ignorance (karma), and liberation (moksha). The way from samsara to moksha, eloquently declared in the Svetasvatara Upanishads read as such:
When man knows God, he is free: his sorrows have an end, and birth and death are no more. When in inner union he is beyond the world of the body, then the third world, the world of the spirit, is found…for he is one with the One. (Upanishads 86)
Out of this knowledge come the acumen of Buddhism and The Blade Wheel of Mind Control.
The Blade Wheel of Mind Control is a process that encompasses the Buddhist teachings, in what Tenzin describes as, a crash course in Buddhism. Tenzin explains, “the simple, direct and not easy solution is the direct annihilation or severing the attitude of the victim to the attitude of responsibility,” (11). In Buddhism, reincarnation and karma are primary components to freedom from suffering. Anything that happens to a soul is in direct correlation to action performed in this life or a past life.
Whoever said, “ignorance is bliss,” has it completely wrong, ignorance perpetuates suffering. Tenzin teaches and explains the principle wisdom of Buddhism to his fellow seekers. Tenzin, states, “Contemplating wisdom is the essential key that frees us” (109) and indicates that this is the first noble truth of suffering. The second noble truth is the source of suffering’s causation, and the third noble truth of freedom. Tenzin points out that Buddha said the third noble truth is when” a human being can actually become totally aware of reality and totally free from suffering forever, and thereby become the evolutionary engine for all others to find their way”(109).
The reader cannot help but reflect his or her own suffering when reading this book and contemplate the underlying principles of one’s own existence. The members of this pilgrimage and I were introduced to a way out of samara by way of The Blade Wheel. While I recounted the experiences that have molded my perception into a way of thinking and believing that perpetuates suffering. Spinning, over and over again, like a wheel, I repeat negative events, creating my own torment. As Tenzin reads verses of The Blade Wheel, I could see why such a frontal attack on the negative forces in my own life needs to be done. The course of feat of asserting accountability for events that I blamed others for is de rigueur in my evolution of becoming a more aware and caring person. In my mind’s eye I see myself uttering the words, “How can God be so cruel to me, doesn’t he love me?” or “I wouldn’t have done that if I had not been treated this way or that.” I hear Tenzin say. “Slice through those thoughts with “The Blade Wheel.”
The book describes The Blade Wheel as a type of meditation that addresses anger, resentment, and selfish actions. Reflecting on my own path, cancer patient at age twelve, chemotherapy, seven years in recovery from alcohol addiction, broken relationships, the death of close friends, family and my fiancé. I began to assimilate these events that have left me with a frozen heart and with an attitude anchored in sadness. I am imprisoned by my own suffering. I can state, “I have faith,” although being in the back seat with someone else driving is very hard for me. Impatience and always-wanting things to go my way leads to my affliction. I am quite accomplished at this task. Tenzin refers to the solution of this state of existence as the, Yamantaka’s Wheel of Wisdom, “ the wheel that destroys the devil of self-preoccupation,” which is the step that precedes the concentration of “the negative consequences of our past and turning toward the spirit of altruism” (186).
It is funny how the mind works. While reading this book, I hear John Lennon singing, “I’m just sitting here watching the wheels turn round and round, I really like to watch them roll.” and Joni Mitchell singing, “I am on a lonely road and I am traveling. Looking for the key to set me free. Oh the jealousy, the greed is the unraveling. It’s the unraveling. And it undoes all the joy that could be,” these lyrics cryptically convey a message centuries old in the Buddhist philosophy. How many times have I heard these words without true reflection of what they mean? I cannot count: Is this a step from ignorance to insight? Is this my own passage to Mount Kailash?
I acquired a meditation CD while reading this book, the Buddhist meditation of Development of Loving-kindness, otherwise known as Metta Bhavanna. This particular rumination is a process of visualizing the well-being, happiness, and freedom from suffering for others and myself. The process amazed me, I entered into a quiet state of mind; I was guided to wish others and myself well being, happiness, and freedom from suffering. I felt as if I could not take in air, I was standing on top of Mount Kailash in high altitudes where the air is thin. I felt as if I was under muddy water. I moved through that sensation and began to shed tears, for myself, for others, for the whole world and. Bodhipaksa, the person leading the meditation, ask me to remember when I was healthy and content. The only image that came to mind was when I was eight, laying awake during a rainstorm. I was listening to a train off in the distance wondering where it was going and where it could take me. Even at eight years old, I wanted to be somewhere else and I felt comfort in being discontented. How can that be? Tenzin answers this; “The world is not treating us right…so there is a struggle between our expectation and what is” (74). Tenzin offers a challenge, “Stop saying, “If I can just get to the next level, I’ll be happy…or move to another state, it will be OK…Realize that’s a delusion…” (74). The noble truth of suffering is the reality that we are “habitually out of balance” and all experiences will prove to be unsatisfactory. This is the noble truth because only a noble or enlightened person has found a different way of relating to the world (74).
After I broke down, I fell in the most restful sleep. The next day I began to read Circling the Sacred Mountain, I came to a page where Wise explains a profound experience analogous to my own experience. Wise writes:
Have you ever awakened in the hospital or rehab or jail...Right now I wake up here on this trail, a mucus and tear streaked mess, promising all the people I do love and even those I don’t love, that it will different…That I will be different. (218)
All through out the book I related with Wise, bound by addiction, selfish actions and aspiring to be like Tenzin.
The Blade Wheel of Mind Reform echoes through my mind. Verses such as, “I really want happiness but I don’t perform its causes,” (210). I find myself fighting with the concept of karma and past deeds while I read the verse:
When I am suddenly hit with strokes and diseases, it’s my bad action blade wheel come full circle; from formally breaking solemn vows~ Henceforth may I give up negative actions! (153)
Being a cancer survivor from age twelve, I found myself defensive. How can a twelve year old know about breaking vows? Why should I get punished for something I did in a past life time that I don’t even remember? Tenzin points out that an enlightened person really should guide this process. I am not a Buddhist; I am getting my toe wet at this point. To conceptualize this perception I thought to myself, “I do not know about all this karma stuff, but I can commit to not breaking vows now, in this life time.” That seemed to work for me, for all I have is today.
In Circling the Sacred Mountain, Tenzin and Wise have the capacity to translate the Buddhist philosophy into simple language. Regardless of what religious affiliation the reader might have, this book contains gems of wisdom that can be incorporated into a more mindful approach to life. Tenzin has an aptitude for teaching while Wise reflects a mirror image of myself, full of doubts, longing for answers, standing on the edge of change.
The reader has a choice to decipher Circling the Sacred Mountain as an account of a spiritual journey as a bystander, or use the book as a road map to navigate to a life with vigilant reflection and self-realization. Tenzin and Wise allow the reader to choose how much insight or introspection they would like to exert. Emblematical of life, the question asked is, “Do I want to just observe or do I want to be mindful and put a honest effort into changing?”
The journey of looking at oneself is tedious and not pleasurable, but a stipulation if transformation is going to transpire. I am the child, asking, “Are we there yet? The ride turns into a time for introspection, which from a child’s perspective is boring, grueling, and just plain old, not fun. The children perceive suffering and in anticipation of the rewards, the passage seems endless and brutal. They are at the mercy of their parents, The Ultimate Being, and dharma.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Reflecting on my own path as a meditation practitioner, I have come to believe that my Buddhist practices offers an Integral map for being human. This map can offer the practitioner a vehicle, a way to live a more Integral life. As Wilber points out, in the wisdom traditions there are three bodies that are interconnected, they are the gross body, the subtle body, and the casual body. In Mahayana Buddhism they name these bodies the Trikaya or "Three bodies.” The Trikaya doctrine is an extremely influential Mahayana Buddhist teaching on both the nature of reality and the nature of Buddha. Trikaya is a Sanskrit word used to refer to three levels of Buddhahood’s manifestation or activity. According to the Trikaya Doctrine, “Buddha” is a reality with a three-fold nature: the dharmakaya (the body of ultimate Truth), the sambhogakaya (body of bliss) and the nirmanakaya (emanation body, i.e. physical embodiment such as the historical Buddha). According to this doctrine since we all have a Buddha nature anyone of us can become a Buddha if favorable and certain conditions arise to produce that result. One of the conditions that must arise and may take many years of practice is the cultivation of compassion and empathy. This meditation practice of developing a compassionate mind and heart occurs in the body on a cellular level. Sometimes the meditation practice is called the Metta (Lovingkindness) practice in the Theravadan tradition and Wishing Love in the Mahayana. Many religions and spiritual traditions have their own version. I believe and it has been my own experience that it is necessary to develop and cultivate a mind and heart that is full of compassion. How is this accomplished?
We are often told to love our neighbor as thy self, but how does one actually go about doing that? How does one expand out from what Ken Wilber calls an egocentric stage, next to ethnocentric to a Worldcentric stage? We somehow need to link the body, mind and sprit with a compassionate intention for as Wilber points out these moral stages of awareness do not just float in outer space, we live them, and we embody the qualities of each stage. To me it seems beneficial as to the survival and sustainability to individuals and the planet as whole that we as a Global culture need to develop these qualities. It is imperative to our survival. To develop an Integral view it is necessary for an expansion from a “me” stage, which Wilber tells us is dominated by gross separate physical reality, next to a “mind” stage where we start to share relationships with others. It is this stage where we being to feel connected and can begin to put ourselves in other people’s shoes. Finally we expand and we realize that everything is interconnected and nothing is separate everything is for the good of the commonwealth. In the Pali language this is called, Pratitya Samutpada, the law of dependent origination. This is the mind of a Buddha or Bodhisattva.
The Bodhisattva Ideal is dedicated to raising all sentient creatures to higher ground. The Mahayana Buddhist tradition believes that humans are conditioned by ignorance and the illusion of a finite self. Its solution to the problem is to overcome the fundamental blindness of the ego. The Mahayana teaching of the Bodhisattva is meant to restore our vision, to elevate and transform the contours of the human condition. The Bodhisattva Path is a journey towards Enlightenment, ceaseless process of advancement towards wisdom and compassion. The goal of this journey is eternally achieved and eternally in the process of being achieved.
A fundamental investigation that the Mahayana teachings advise is to start searching for what one calls "self" or "ego.” Close examination will reveal that the ego is impossible to locate within oneself. In fact, no phenomenon one investigates exists, as it appears to do. It seems to have an inherent existence, but through analyzing it, one will see that it does not. The teachings explain that this means that the nature of all phenomena is empty. By analyzing reality repeatedly in this way, one can develop a firm intellectual understanding of emptiness. This conceptual understanding is a necessary step to developing transcendental wisdom, but the direct realization of emptiness is only possible through meditation.