Way of Transition

In The Way of Transition, I love William Bridges skillful use of metaphor. Metaphor is a very powerful expression to convey concepts and feelings that are so complex and interconnected. Often there are just no words to describe the different states and stages in one’s life and the use of metaphor just speaks to so many hearts, is often considered a universal language and a bridge regardless of culture. In Bridge’s book, believing that his wife may finally be in remission led the couple to move forward with a remodel of the house. And yet in the end she dies before the remodel is completed. He is left in a house that is torn apart, He writes, “ I often thought about the way outer life mirrors inner life. In life as in housing, I was stripped down to the studs…but for now my house and life were utterly dismantled” (p.55). In this chaos, can emerge great energy as it is freed up. Bridges begins looking for connections, something to bridge the reality of yesterday with the reality of the present; he thinks he finds it in the way of big black crow feathers. All of this movement in Bridge’s life both physically and internally is happening in the upper right and left quadrants, this energy in the upper quadrants do affect the lower quadrants. It all has to do with cognitive, emotional, interpersonal, moral and spiritual connecting with the biological and that spills over into other facets of life. It fascinates me how there is a need to look for some physical sign or outer manifestation to aid in transition.
I have a story of my own that relates to this very process of embracing change and transition. I hold that I often create and manifest situations that give rise to such suffering that it pushes me to change. Referring to Wilber Integral Theory, I often find that instead of playing horizontally in a stage or floating in and out of states I can actually accelerate growth and often can move from one stage to another and within that process the many states of consciousness. I have personal experience in this, some time I am conscious that these “changes” and shifts are happening and at other times it takes me by surprise and I ask” How did I end up in the middle of this mess?” Sometimes that which brings us the most aversion can bring us the most growth.
In my undergrad I was focusing my education on the comparison of religions with an emphasis of Eastern Religions. I had a huge aversion to the religion I was raised with which was Christianity. However, instead of going to CIIS for example, where Eastern religion is the emphasis, I decided to go to Dominican University where I was taught by some of the greatest educators I have ever had, some where nuns and there was Father Bob. How I loved Father Bob and the contemplative prayer he taught us made me realize on a cellular level that I can include my Christian roots and embrace Buddhism as well. It all adds to my spirituality as a whole as I evolve. My whole view shifted by being exposed to intelligent, progressive and open individuals that just happened to be from a religion that I had aversion to. My view completely shattered, what I thought I new about the Catholic religion changed and with that my world opened up. NO I did not convert but instead gathered and harvested the fruits of that particular way of looking at the human existence.
I had an instructor Dr. Philip Novak, who is a well-known religious and Buddhist scholar. Dr. Novak had been a student and colleague of Houston Smith for decades. Phil has written books on Buddhism and Nietzsche and also co-authored with Smith. When I met him, I was a student at Dominican and just getting into the more philosophical and psychological aspects of Buddhism and studying the sutras at that time. Though Professor Novak is an incredibly approachable person and kind, he takes his role as an educator quite seriously and he is very scholarly, almost to the point of intimidation. I was on a certain level as far as my understandings on Buddhism and as a student and wanted to “know” more. I knew where I wanted to be and I knew I had a real calling to pursue Buddhist studies and meditation.
We had to write a senior thesis in order to graduate. I said to myself, ‘I want to expand my knowledge and spend my time researching something that is going to be rewarding.’ I knew I was on one level and in order to get to a higher understanding I would need to push myself and get out f my comfort zone. I approached Dr Novak and asked him to be my mentor for the senior thesis and that it would be on The Bodhisattva Path in Mahayana Buddhism. I had done some reading on this topic and it seemed intriguing. I had no idea about the extent of the complexity of the teachings. I laugh now at my naivety and if I had fully understood the scope of my undertaking I probably would have run for the hills. So there you go, I began manifesting and creating situations favorable for change. I knew in the back of my mind I was in trouble. What made matters worse or better depending on your stance is the fact that other students and factuality kept telling me that I was brave. They would say “Carol, why did you chose Phil? You are brave…you are writing a paper on Buddhism with Phil…oh my” words to that nature. I went forward and I am telling you from the first words I wrote, to the last draft, had to be one of the most difficult times in my academic career and the most rewarding. This growth from one level to another, from one stage to another, through many states all had a purpose for the grand design of movement of energy. It seems that there is often an innate knowing that is just waiting to unfold, almost as if one aspect of ones personality is waiting to be born and then creates behavior and thought patterns that create the right conditions to manifest change. So there a part of me was Carol the scholar to be, who did not want to be is sitting in the body of Carol, the one beginning the journey, the “I” who was just starting out on her scholarly adventure. Days and days went by of crying, sleepless nights, anger, happiness, contentment, questioning, self-confidence and insecurity. Revision after revision, meeting after meeting, In the midst of it all Professor Novak was always present for me. He has a really solid Buddhist practice, he oozes the ability to be fully engaged and receptive not reactive. I was attracted to that because I was and still have a reactive mind. In the end I produced one of best papers I have ever written. I thought I was done with that, however Phil nominated me as Academic Scholar for the Humanities/Philosophy department. He asked me first if I wanted to be nominated because there was a lot more work to do if I accepted the nomination. I would have to give a presentation in front of factuality, the dean, president and all students of the school. I would have to go to a big dinner and although this was a great honor there were many “things” I would have to do. I reflected looking for connections, like the big shiny crow feather on the path, I asked myself do I want to take this next step. I decided I would ride the wave out because in my reflection of choosing where I would go I was also in the process of looking to see where I had been and I saw immense growth. The hours and hours of creating the presentation with Phil was extensive indeed. He has me write a script and hour after hour had me recite it until it was deemed perfect. Long story short, I went through the whole thing! I grew, boy did I grow! I manifested this outward expression of change to foster the inward of expression of change. Each pushed and prodded the other to move forward. I can see this repeating itself in much that I do for example, in my practice of meditation, longer and longer retreats of silence and more time sitting in the mucky muck while on the cushion. I have the same resolve as Buddha I am not leaving here until I understand the nature of this arising phenomenon. I see it in my years of karate and yoga practice, the repetitive nature or returning, always returning to the foundation and yet also incorporating more techniques. I am on a great path of manifestation. I love the returning nature that allows a place to act as a springboard. It really raises s questions on how we change, how much is in consciousness or subconscious and how these arising phenomenon affect transitions. More exploration in this area is need. And the story continues.